I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
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