dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
