I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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