Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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