2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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