Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
