Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
