if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
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