is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Who put my cat in the fridge?
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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