I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
