Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
