So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize