you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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