I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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