The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
