I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
