so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
