After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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