fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
