I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Someone signed my nipple.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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