did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
