i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
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