you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I just want to make out with him forever
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
