Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Randomize
