My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
