If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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