Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I will die if light touches me.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
