So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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