Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
