he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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