you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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