I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Randomize
