No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
