You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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