Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
