I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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