I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
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