I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
