so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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