its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
