U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
