he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Randomize