Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
