im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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