I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
