I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
