I'm sorry my penis didn't work
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Randomize
