Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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