Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Randomize
