take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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