Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
