i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
oh god the rape fog is back!
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Also, beer. Big fan.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Randomize
