What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
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