I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
i now understand why vodka
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
