When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
