Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
are you so shy because you have an std?
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
