Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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