I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize