I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
