i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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