when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
