UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
My ATM looks so different sober.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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