If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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