The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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