you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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