Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
