I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Is it penis luge time yet?
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Randomize
