and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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