he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
