So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
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