I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
