Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
