I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Randomize
