someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
