we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
