just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize