if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
