Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
