I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Randomize
