and you said cock pushups were impossible
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
