I'm gonna have a badass scar
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize