it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
this hospital has no fireball
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
