Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
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