we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
