I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
