this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
