Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
