I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
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