Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Sext me about skeletons
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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