I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Randomize
