went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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