Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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