I think my vagina is haunted
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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