do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
