Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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