I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
