Cold hands, warm shart.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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