He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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