it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
