she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
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