Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
