You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
