my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Randomize
