ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
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